Where do you land on the pendulum of intimacy and how allowing are you of yourself to be vulnerable?
I ask this thru tears. I watched the video you can view at the end and I saw the way I am that fierce woman she describes. Very, very OK with risking everything for the unknown. And Ive done it. Letting out very little, by very little for many years. But I remember the first time I decided I would allow myself to be Seen. Vulnerable. Let someone climb inside of every single corner of me and never once flinch, or try to protect myself, simply palms up and naked, allowing them to enslave me to their will. It was a split second decision. I was asked a question and I could say yes or no. But I knew that my yes would mean Id be honoring a contract that could take my heart out, at the knees, with a baseball bat and barbed wire.
Funny, we talked about it later and when I said, ‘I really dont say yes… I had a choice to make…. Vulnerable is hard for me…’ Their response was ‘Whats vulnerable about yes?’
Let me tell you whats so vulnerable about Yes and intimacy.
There is a way of loving where you have no corners inside yourself to hide in. Id been the lover who would never had taken advantage of my Someones tenderness. He never had to wonder if Yes’es were safe in my mouth or my ears. He was never going to have to regret the way I protected him. The most beautifully vulnerable we had ever been with eachother was after his grandfather died. He came home to me a crumbled mess of soaked in rain, welled with tears, ache. I bathed him in our bed that night, with bowls of hot water and fresh towels… before making love to every single syllable of his pain in so many languages that I lost count. He remains to know that even after our relationship has shifted, he is always, always safe in my love.
I wish Id have taken better notes on how to lay and let someone love you, like he could. Because when it was my turn to receive a love that could band aide every single time I had ever been broken, I shut down. If being the safe harbor for another to retreat to is 9 and hiding in a cave to protect from being open is at 3…. how do we dance at 6? Whats our give and take? And thats really the key, isnt it? Its the give and take. We have to allow ourselves to be laid down and bathed clean of our wounds as equally as we lay our lovers down. Its so time for us to open up deep conversations around what touch CAN mean in a relationship. And the importance of keeping the electric of skin to skin alive.
Intimacy and Sex are different things. I would invite you to explore the depth of what your sex life feels like with a partner who allows you meaningful intimacy with them. Having had the opportunity to enjoy a very consistently tantric relationship, other than that level of at Oneness and Connection fails to seduce me.
My invitation is that seduction loses its power when you dont have reciprocal and intentional vulnerability. Knowing ourselves as Our Prowess is very sexy and validating. But how long will our lover enjoy not getting to know themselves as that same Power??
There is work to be done in receiving, vulnerability, being Seen. And its important that we couple with Lovers who are ready to grow into these deep connections with us. Or perhaps, we can gently lead the Lovers we have to Awareness’s that they didnt even know needed Light shed on them. Maybe, Yes isnt so scary when we know for sure WE are a fierce Lover… and we are prepared to MODEL fierce love as an on the spot workshop in ‘How to say YES!’
Fast food and Chinese buffet shagging within relations simply doesnt feed a persons hunger. There is something exquisite about enjoying the graze of a quality meal, prepared with care and love, beautifully plated, placed on a well set table. I guess Im hoping that people begin to make their way back to filling eachother. With purpose. The pendulum to vulnerable aches. And it turns out we dont even know it hurts until its healed.
To feed eachother good love, we gotta get naked. Are you ready to say yes to that someone who can take your heart out, at the knees? Or at least willing to seek for your new someone with that deliberate of a purpose for your next union?? My prayer is that we each grow a little in our Allowing. Allowing the close in and be responsible with the close we have the power to afford another.
I hope you get as much out of this video as I did…
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
(copy and paste if it doesnt link….)
